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    It can feel like he’s saying that the close time you spent together didn’t matter to him, or he didn’t enjoy it.

    When we get close to a man, we want that closeness to continue the same way so we feel safe and secure in the relationship.

    Our conversation flowed easily, and I felt as if I'd known him for a long, long time. In that space, I can express myself freely without worrying what I say or how I look. In that space, we are present and appreciate one another. Holding space is a commitment that transcends both love and the “feel good” effect of dopamine. But when you're faced with a broken soul, it requires wisdom and courage to hold space for someone. She co-founded a café consultancy business and started her own coffee label CHNO.

    But of course I didn’t see it that way at the time. Because I was living with these mindsets and trying to play ‘the game’ the same way as everybody else was, I was never really successful at getting the women I really wanted.

    If you push him for more closeness, it will make him feel like his natural impulses are wrong and drive him away.

    I don’t mean you should walk on eggshells with him either.

    It’s a common problem that a lot of guys struggle with.

    Because of these poor mindsets, I always ended up with women who were equally as toxic and insecure – but of course we would never admit that.

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